I Think I'm Supposed to Have a Mid-Life Crisis?

So much has happened since I last posted. First and foremost, I turned FORTY! Eric planned a suprise trip for me and it was so amazing. We spent time with my older brother and sister-in-law and then we went to Philly where 6 of my best friends were waiting to spend the weekend with me. It was a great weekend. So many important people in my life were colliding in a wonderful way. Some had never met each other and some had in the past, some were in our wedding and some were there for the wedding.

There is no better way to enter a new decade than with people who know you, who are your past and present and future, and who know what you need when you are so hungover that you want to sink into the ground. Y'all, it was a minor miracle that I was able to recover and enjoy some axe throwing within a few hours. We had a ton of great food, lots of laughs and so much lightness in being with those who know me best.

**I just spent 10 minutes trying to find pictures in my phone and I think Eric has them all on his phone. If I can find them I'll add them later. They fully encompass the relationship I have with some of these friends.**

Let's see what my 40's bring!

Five Tidbits

It looks like I'm on the few times a year posting schedule. Sorry about that!

I really do enjoy writing and one of my resolutions for this year is to write more, whether that is blogging, in a journal or some ill-fated manuscript. But the actual act of starting to write after not doing it for so long is hard. It's a weak muscle that used to be exercised way more often.

In line with that, I thought I'd jot down 5 tidbits that you may not know about me.

1. I can make my own mayo. Now I know that doesn't seem like something worth sharing, but let me explain. E and I are in our second round of Whole30. We did our first in Sept 2017 and while it wasn't for weight loss but to feel better, we did lose weight and found that weirdly we didn't miss cheese and bread. And by "we" I mean me. I would have staked my entire bank account on the fact that life had little meaning without bread and cheese in it on a regular, i.e., daily basis. We did miss having a beer or glass of wine.

Fast forward to this round and I really wanted to try making mayo but all the recipes I had seen were very particular about how much oil and how to drizzle it and maybe sing it a song to be sure it was happy. If you failed at any one of these things then it would be a disaster and you wouldn't be allowed to call yourself a success in life. Nope, not for me. Way too much pressure in the kitchen which is my happy place.

Last week I saw a link for a no fail mayo and clicked on it so I could see all the ways others are better at this than me. Surprisingly it was an easy recipe and required no singing, so I thought what the hell. And, guys, it worked! I even chose to use a tall plastic container instead of a glass jar. I can hear all of you gasping from here. I know, I know, playing it fast and loose with the fail-proof recipe. My confidence has been renewed when it comes to concocting condiments!

In case anyone needs a confidence booster, here it is: https://thehealthyfoodie.com/fail-proof-home-made-paleo-mayo-whole30-compliant/


2. I've started to play Bunco with our neighborhood group. I had decided about halfway through the year in 2017 that I needed to make the remainder of the year a "YES" year. So when an invite was issued through the neighborhood facebook page, I said yes to attending. I was nervous about meeting other women in the neighborhood, and whether they would like me and was I dressed right and would I understand the game and what if they all hated me? My head can be a weird place.

Spoiler, no one hates me (that I know of) and everyone was so open and welcoming and I can, in fact, understand the game. It's loud and rowdy and reminds me of spending time with the women in my family. I'm hosting this month and I'm excited!


3. I'm the small time procrastinator of E and I's marriage. Papers or mail on the counter? Eh. Whatever. I'll get to it sometime in the next few months. The thermometer I ordered TWO MONTHS ago is still sitting on the kitchen table. It really should be elsewhere. It would take 2 seconds to pick it up and move it. Guess it's a good thing I"m hosting Bunco this month...it forces me to clean up the miscellaneous schmutz in our life. Or, red up, if you're some of my Pittsburgh folk reading this.


4. I still prefer an actual real book to my Kindle. I love the Kindle for travel and reading at lunch because it's small and fits in my purse. But there is something about feeling the pages of a book that the Kindle just can't make up for.


5. Sometimes when I'm in the kitchen and a recipe is particularly daunting I specifically choose to play the Game of Thrones Season 6 soundtrack. If I'm going to do battle then I should have the back-up music to complete the experience.


If anyone is reading this - because I think everyone has fled this blog since it's been forever since I posted - thanks for sticking around!

The Face of Infertility

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. I wasn't going to blog because, c'mon yinz guys...I feel like that's all this blog has been about for the last three years. But today is one of those days. It's a heavy day. And sometimes it helps to get that out in the gym (tried it), on paper (currently typing) or through song (I don't have enough gas in the state of Texas to drive and sing this out).

We are the face of infertility. E and I. It's not just us. I will guarantee you that we are not the only people you know who are struggling/have struggled/will struggle with trying to have a family. But tonight's post is just about me.

It's been nine months since we had our failed transfer. We realized that this past Sunday. It's a sobering realization. This should have been a joyous time in our lives, a time of counting fingers and toes, a time of not enough sleep, a time of too many diapers and making sure the cats didn't smother a newborn since babies are just so warm and easy to curl up with.

Normally I would try and make lemonade at this point...with some vodka to smooth the edges. But tonight I'm in a lemons mood. Our lives will always look different from what we imagined. Our new normal is heartbreaking in the smallest most surprising ways.

I can't sit through baby dedications at church. Hearing babies cry in the waiting room at work can be heart wrenching. Books and movies and TV shows are a minefield of pregnancy story lines, lame jokes about sleep deprivation, and completely unrealistic infertility story lines with *surprise surprise* happy endings. Even Second Lady Pence is contributing to the fallacies that abound in the public about infertility. Let me just say here and now that the Jesus I know loves science. So I don't think He has serious concerns over using the science that we have to try and have babies when our bodies are broken. Conceiving or lack of is not tied to anyone's faith.

"Relax and it'll happen."

"When it's God's timing."

"Have you tried a natural diet?"

"You can always just adopt."

"Eat pineapple, drink pomegranate juice, take herbs, do eastern medicine."

In the last few days of this week, if you know someone whose heart has been scoured raw by infertility, do them a favor. Support them. Don't offer advice. If you're a believer pray for their hearts and grace and mercy. Let them cry or rage or pretend that nothing is wrong.

I didn't write this post to garner sympathy or to make anyone feel bad for us. It's just a picture of what this life looks like with infertility and no options left. Tomorrow will be less heavy. Even happy. This weekend will be amazing. The heavy times will ebb and flow just as the good times do.

Inflammation of Facebook

I'm sad to say I usually check my email and Facebook while waiting for my coffee to finish brewing. As with so many days, Facebook is full of thoughts, experiences, good and bad news....and lately, inflammatory links.

I enjoy seeing the different beliefs, ideals and thoughts of my friends on Facebook, whether through links, posts, shared blogs, and so on. I have also hidden so many friends over the last year because I can't handle seeing the constant barrage of malicious diatribes, inciting headlines and in your face political beliefs. Now don't get me wrong - freedom of speech is a great gift and one that we should all take advantage of, considering how many issues there are facing our country at the moment.

But I don't believe that freedom of speech gives us the right to be rude, condescending or downright mean-spirited toward one another. People couch it in terms of it's their religious or political beliefs, that they are entitled to say what they want, that they are just being "honest". That honest one is the biggest cop-out. It allows a person to say the cruelest statements and then say "I'm just being honest". If we all honestly said what we thought at all times we would all be friendless.

I don't think that everyone has to think the way I do, believe the same things I do when it comes to faith, or feel the same politically. I do believe that we should be courteous to one another as human beings. What happened to discourse without people sinking into the mud? What happened to having a discussion without accusations being thrown around like confetti? We will all feel strongly about what we believe, feel, think regarding situations. When did we as a society lose the ability to hear one another? When did we decide to compartmentalize people, politics, faiths and viewpoints into small boxes that don't allow us to stretch? When did we become a country that allows our media to tell us what we ought to believe?

What brought on this post was, in my opinon, an unnecessarily inflaming link on Facebook. It used race as a way of making the headline more shocking, more in your face. Is race an issue in our country? Are the inequalities that minority or non-caucasian races face in this country an issue? Absolutely. Is anything gained by making words like white, black, latino, hispanic, asian, african-american, caucasian more imbued with bitterness, hate, fear, superiority, inferiority?

I am just an audiologist who lives in a pretty calm city in the south. I don't pretend to have a solution to the issues that face us in daily life at this moment in our country's history. There are inequalities. There are injustices. There are major shifts regarding injustice and inequality that need to happen. Does that change and shift start with our daily conversations and allowing one another to be heard, to discuss, to allow that we are not always right?

All I know is that fear and hate mongering do not solve these issues from either side. They divide us from one another, from the ability to work toward a solution. Words are powerful and should be used to spur us on to productive action that will resolve issues, not continue to make these issues more mired in controversy, resentment and fear.

Shower Thoughts

  You've probably heard of shower thoughts. You know, the brilliant insights into life, the what to make for dinner, the how I totally could have won that argument yesterday, the what to buy DH for his birthday thoughts that only occur when pen and paper are woefully inappropriate.
  I don't have shower thoughts. I have car thoughts. When I can't possibly write down what I'm thinking without causing some sort of horrific multi car pile-up. (In full disclosure, I actually wrote this post down long hand. Long. Hand.) I'm sort of the quintessential infant who sleeps in the car and wakes up screaming when the car stops. As soon as I park my well-crafted Pulitzer prize winning blog post, email or letter has disappeared. Not a scrap of eloquence is left behind for me to clasp pathetically against my chest as I race to my laptop.
  This, in part, is why I haven't blogged lately. It seems like life is so busy that I only have time for car thoughts. I have crafted dozens of posts only to find them turned into ephemera before I can get the words from brain to fingertips to a series of electrical 1s and 0s.
  My favorite part of car thoughts? Each post is easily wrapped up in a neat package-like ending. Conclusions are drawn, connections made and insights revealed. In reality I sit staring at the screen trying to see the common thread that will provide my tether to the final coherent thought. Days like today I just cannot find the thread. So I will end like this.
  I hope to be back here sooner rather than later. Coherent or otherwise.

5 Things I Enjoy Recognizing

1. When I do know my job and can defend myself without being a jerk about it. Not everyone plays nice in the sandbox. Sometimes I wonder if it's just a bad day. Or a bad year. Or if they really hate anyone who has a different opinion. I know I have bad days and sometimes a person just gets under my skin. But I'll admit that I do like being able to defend myself and what I do.

2. Seeing that I can work out longer and harder than I thought when I started. I'm not running 1/2 marathons over here, but it's a small sense of accomplishment when I can do the extra 10 minutes. The reality TV rotting my brain while I work out may have something to do with the extra 10 minutes. Lisa Vanderpump, if you're reading this (and of course she is), I hope that you see how ridiculous your staff makes themselves, and by extension, you look every Monday night. You're not a foolish or ridiculous woman. In fact you pretty much kick butt and I only wish I would ever be as successful as you are. But that staff...I'm only watching at this point to see most of them fall off their high horses. Sure makes me not want to visit LA ever. Ever.

3. Being financially responsible. Yeah, this is a boring grown-up thing. But it's pretty cool to set a budget, stick to it and then get to use the extra money to pay things off. Dave Ramsey know's what he's talking about! If you work the system, the system works. We've only been at it a couple months, but feel so much better, even this month, knowing where we're telling our money to go instead of wasting it on stupid disposable crap.

4. That some days you just need a bowel of cereal. And a husband who will run out at 8pm and choose a box for you. When you can't choose one yourself and you end up in a heap on the couch moaning "I don't know!" when asked what kind you're hungry for.

5. How awesome my friends are. It's not like I doubt that. Please, stay, I don't!!! But it can be easy to overlook the amazingness that encompasses my closest friends. Although I suppose it would be weird if I didn't think they were amazing...why would we be hanging out then? Weird.

12 Insights into My Soul

Ok, so maybe that's not quite the line from You've Got Mail, but it sort of fits. There's been this game going around Facebook where friends give you a number and you have to post a list with that number of items people may not know about you. (I recognize the ridiculous length and roundaboutness of that sentence.) I have been so busy (no, not lazy) this week that this fad may already be over and I'm just getting on board.

A friend gave me the number 12. So here are 12 things you may or may not already know about me!

1. I Have a Fear of Closets
When I was a younger there was a live action Alice in Wonderland movie that was on TV. The Jabberwocky scared the underpants off of me. I became convinced that the Jabberwocky lived in my closet. To this day I cannot sleep if there is a closet door ajar in the same room with me. Let's take the crazy one step further. When I stay somewhere other than my own house I have to check the closet in whatever bedroom I sleep in. Ingrained weirdness.

2. I Had a Blankie
I was a blankie lover. I could have given Linus a run for his money if he weren't a fictional cartoon character. I would stand under the clothes line, sucking my thumb, while hanging on to one corner of it while it dried from washing.

3. Do Re Mi
I took private voice lessons for 7 years. For the majority of that time I had a voice teacher who terrified me into practicing every day. Which made me a much better singer. I wanted to be an actress when I was younger. I loved being on stage becoming another character. I loved singing through a show. I still love to sing. I just do it in the car or around the house instead of on stage. When DH is out of the house I'll hook up the computer to the TV, turn it all the way up and sing my heart out along with any musical soundtrack or some Sutton Foster.

4. Beets Taste Purple
They just do and I can't stomach that. Purple, people, purple. One of the few foods I cannot stand.

5. I Take My TV Seriously
When the Bestie and I lived together the very first year in Da Burgh, she had never watched Grey's Anatomy regularly. I adored that show. I never missed an episode, even if I had to record it on VHS. Yes, you read that right. VHS. One night after a day of clinic and class we were eating dinner and sitting on the couch. Every couple seconds she would ask another question. I calmly waited until a commercial, turned to her, picked up my fork and said "If you say one more word during this episode I will stab you with this fork." She took it pretty well considering I had just threatened physical violence over Mer and McDreamy.

6. Go Away Bing Crosby
I really really REALLY can't stand Christmas music until a couple weeks prior to Christmas. I feel this is a safe place that I can share this.

7. Hollywood Ain't Got Nothing On Me
My imagination is incredibly overactive. I can watch movies that cover any subject...as long as it would stay daylight forever. Maybe that's another reason to consider emmigrating to Scotland. It stays light outside for a looong time part of the year. Once the lights go out, I start to think of all the weird messed up things that happen in movies and then I'm too terrified to move. I have restrained myself from waking DH up and making him stay up with me up to this point, but it's probably not far off. I just try to avoid all horror and scary sci-fi movies.

8. Is Mom In the Room?
I am becoming more and more like my mom in weird ways. Like when I talk and cry at the same time, I sound just like her. I say things that she's always said them. Things slip out and I think "Oh goodness, there's mom." It's not bad, just a weird transition as I'm growing older.

9. Get In Ma Belly!
I can eat. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. I had to prove to DH that I wasn't all talk. He was duly impressed. I think it's because I'm a fairly small girl. Except for that booty. But otherwise I'm pretty petite. So when I say things like I can put away an entire large pizza in one sitting, or a half dozen donuts, or a whole batch of rice krispie treats in one work day, I have to prove that my stomach is as big as my mouth. Which in turn leads to that booty.

10. Dream On
I don't know if this is common, but I dream in all five senses. I also remember a lot of my dreams, dream almost every night, and I have recurring dreams since childhood that I can recognize while in the dream. I've heard and read different things about dreaming in all five senses. So I don't know if this is odd or not. I will say it's an odd feeling to be dreaming and find myself thinking "Oh, this frog guy again. Ok, so this will happen next. And then this. And here comes the flipping land rover right on cue." Maybe I'm in a real world Inception?

11.  Curse You, Pie Crust!
I am a pretty stellar baker. However I do have an arch nemesis. Her name is Pie Crust. Only a woman could be this cruel, hence Pie Crust is a she. I can get a good batch of pie crust maybe 10% of the time. Even the No Fail recipes fail me. Seriously?!?!? I was given a special pie fork by my original MAPC (Masters Against Pie Crust) which has proven ineffective. Pie Crust, you are my Kryptonite.

12. I Love Trashy TV
I will turn on Bravo or TLC on my day off and leave it on all day. It's a sickness.

A Day Off

It's been a busy couple weeks for DH and I, with no end in sight. I'm looking forward to a rogue snowstorm here in the Deep South to force us to just sit around! I think it's a fantasy, but a girl can dream. 

We went to Boston for My Person's wedding a couple weeks ago. It was a whirlwind five days full of pumpkins, parties, pseudo-family and love.  I considered the wedding day a success because none of us fell into the lake whilst talking pictures.

It was back to work when we got back to the Deep South, complete with my upcoming yearly review (probably another post for another day), a presentation due in a couple weeks and a meeting coming up. Not to mention all the emails and daily paperwork that piles up when you're out of the office for a couple days! 

Even the fun things took up some time this weekend! Friends of ours have an annual Halloween party, and this year we went as Fix-It Felix and Vanellope Von Schweets from Wreck It Ralph. The costumes were a success according to friends. I didn't feel as generous on Friday night when I spent time on a tutu for under my skirt, only to try it on and realize that the skirt didn't lay on top of the tutu but pulled over it. Thus giving me the largest bubble butt known to mankind. So I happen to have an adult sized pink, mint and white tutu should anyone need one. 

Alright, time to put this post to bed. I'm definitely still trying to figure out where I'm taking this blog. It used to be so easy to write a witty fun post. And lately it feels like work. Hopefully it will all click and I'll be writing more regularly!

Have a great week!

 

The First Auntie Em of the Season and Part of Our Wedding Memories

It's the first tornado warning of the season here in the Deep South. So of course I need to blog about it...and the vision I have of DH and myself...and the cats....in one bathroom....without any power...and a hysterical me....and an exasperated DH....and two hyper cats... Well, you get the gist of it.

Instead of that visual imagery, let's talk about my wedding. My beautiful perfect wonderful wedding! Well, almost perfect. There were a few very important people that weren't able to make it for our day due to new babies and graduation and just life that tends to intervene, but they were there in thought...or at least I think they were! Beyond that, the day was wonderful.

Let me back-up though. My parents and grandparents came in a week ahead to help with details and crafting and final plans. My momma did a ton of the planning and we executed everything once they were in town. It was glitter and punches and craft paper and a million and one trips to Jo-Ann's, Michael's and Hobby Lobby. Colors were much debated and at one point I was left wondering why I didn't just go with blush and bashful. Surely that would have been easier than matching specific shades of turquoise and coral.

My bridal party starting alighting on my house like birds coming home to rest, along with out of town guests as the week went on, including my godmother. It was so relieving to have loved friends and family around us as the stress of getting everything done grew. There is no way that our wedding would have been half as beautiful without them! We were all covered in turquoise tinsel glitter by the end of the week. I'm still finding glitter around the house despite the multiple vacuumings since coming home from the honeymoon.

The rehearsal went off without a hitch, as did the dinner which we held at a local BBQ restaurant. We wanted laid back and fun for our guests! After dinner DH and I wanted to be sure we spent even a few minutes with our out of town guests. Y'all, I have never been so amazed as I was by the friends that traveled for our wedding! I had friends from every part of my life, birth through today, who were there! Our great idea was to invite everyone for drinks to BDubs. I felt like I was being pulled in 40 different directions but it was a fun time. One of our friends said that it was great because at the wedding reception the next day they felt like they already knew people and it wasn't just a bunch of strangers. Whew!

I wish I had pictures to share but they are all residing in various cameras and phones...none of which I actually possess. I'll write more about the actual wedding day but if I put it all in here it would be a loooong post!

On a side note, I'm glad to be back writing. I'm even more glad that my DH is content to do his thing while I do mine. Hmmm...maybe it's time to switch from Dark Horse to Hubby. I'll think on that.

Humbled

I had a moment yesterday when I was completely humbled.

For a long time, years at this point, I have had a heart for the poor. I feel for them, I wonder why they're homeless. I want to help them in a way that allows them to maintain their pride and not feel like being given a handout, that I'm not trying to negate all the good they have accomplished in their life. I worked occasionally with a group in Da Burgh that provided breakfast sandwiches and a bible study at the day labor locations. We would get up super early, like 3:30, make a ton of sandwiches and head out. The men that we met were looking for work, to better themselves. Maybe some were looking for a handout but what concern is that of mine?

Proverbs is pretty clear about our responsibility toward the poor, along with widows and orphans. I'll focus on the poor...because these days it feels like we're all a few steps away from it. The pastor at our church gave a great sermon last year sometime about Proverbs and the poor. It boils down to that as Christians, we are not called to question the motives of the poor. We are not supposed to worry about how they use what we feel led to give. The blessing isn't related to how they use the resource, but in the free and willful giving on our part. And remember that giving doesn't mean monetary necessarily. It can be time, advice, skill building, or of course money.

Proverbs 28:27 "He who gives to the poor will never want, but he who shuts his eyes will have many curses."
Proverbs 14:31 ""He who oppresses the poor taunts his Maker, But he who is gracious to the needy honors Him."

I drive home from work the same way every day. At one particular stoplight there is usually a homeless guy. Not always the same guy, but a rotating guest list, if you will. Now I know that it makes DH and my family and friends nervous that I roll down my car window and give a little something if I can. If I have nothing to give but a kind word, I will offer that sometimes. Yes it's a little scary to make yourself vulnerable to the unknown. Yes, one of them could try to harm me. But God doesn't ask us to only give when we're comfortable or feel secure. I've offered money, food and just a smile.

Last night I was at the light and there was a new guy there. He was just sitting on the curb, not asking for anything. He looked like he was enjoying the sunset and almost meditating. I remembered that I had some cash left in my wallet. I usually don't carry cash because, well, it's 2012 and most of us use our cards for everything. I rolled down my window, said hello, passed over a bill and he thanked me profusely. I told him to have a good night and stay safe. And you know what he asked me?

He asked me if I had a relationship with God. When I replied that I do, he said "He blesses me every day."

Blessed. There was no sarcasm, no self-pity, no self-righteousness. Just a man stating a fact. He is blessed everyday. Homeless. Down on his luck.

The light turned green and I made my turn. As I drove away, I was filled with shame that I had only given him a one dollar bill and not more. I was humbled that I have so much and yet forget to see the blessings that surround me every second of the day. But he could when it may be easier to see the hardships and not the blessings. I am surrounded by worldly crap that I own or rent or use. I am nowhere near being poor. Maybe we're all closer to poor with the current economic climate, but I don't have to wonder where my next meal is coming from or when, where or when I might sleep. I don't have to choose between bills to pay or food on the table. I don't have to beg rides from people to get to work. I have a choice of clothing everyday. But he still called himself a blessed man.

My eyes filled with tears as I thanked the Lord out loud as I drove for humbling me and convicting me that while I gave, I could give more. And praising Him for the peace I felt that accompanied the giving. I acted and I don't know how that man would use what I gave, but knowing that God loves that I gave without regard for what I would get in return is blessing enough.

The curb was empty tonight on my way home. But my heart is full. I know wherever he is tonight, he is blessed. And I was all the more blessed today for meeting him yesterday.

Sunday Social: Spooky Halloween

Well hello Sunday Social! 

I know, I know, it's been over a month since I last linked up. I'm sorry. But you see, life has been non-blogging friendly lately. Just busy busy busy and in my spare time I've been trying to catch my breath. Please forgive me!

This week's social is all about Halloween!

1. What was your favorite halloween costume as a kid?(pictures??)
I don't remember a lot of the costumes I had as a kid, but there is a picture of me dressed as a raggedy ann clown that was pretty cute. I think I was maybe 3 or 4....mom, some help here?

I would definitely NOT relive the year I dressed up in my version of a belle at the ball. We grew up in a fairly rural area and by the time I got back home my feet were bloody...stupid pretty shoes.

2. If you could go back and dress up as something what would it be?
So we never went all out for Halloween. We weren't poor by any means growing up, but we were a frugal family. We used homemade costumes or ones that were passed between cousins. And that totally worked for us! I can't speak for my brothers but I don't remember wanting, begging, salivating over any store bought costume. 

With that said, I would love to go back now and dress up as a character from The Neverending Story. It was one of our favorite movies. I assure you, I would have chosen the Princess. Cause I was kinda girly.

3. Favorite costume as an adult?(pictures)
When I was in undergrad (is that considered an adult?) - I was a theater major. My first semester I was taking Intro to Costume Design or some such class. Anyway, we had to sew A LOT. One saturday I spent hours trying to get a ruffle right on the wrist of a costume. Hours...but I digress. That first semester I decided to make my own Halloween costume. I went as a belly dancer/arabian concubine/something to show off my stomach girl. Yeah, I was that girl...well, not totally. I should get credit for A.) Making my own costume and B.) Not revealing more than my stomach. Come to think of it, that deserves a lot of credit.

But since I don't have a picture of that I will include one from last night as Betty Draper.

And while I'm sure Betty never makes this face, I still do.

4. Favorite Halloween Candy?
DH and everyone else can tell you that I like chewy candy over chocolate, although both have their place. I adore Bit O Honey and those peanut butter taffy candies. The Bit O Honey might pull your teeth out if you're not careful but it's a risk worth taking. 

Peanut butter taffy....does anyone else remember these? Peanut butter flavored, salt water taffy consistency, black and orange wrappers? Gosh they were good.

On a side note, Halloween candy that I detested? Mallo Cups. I adore marshmallows but I cannot eat these. The chocolate always tasted cheap and the filling is like marshmallow fluff, which I've never been a fan of. 

5. Favorite Halloween Memory?
I think my favorite memory is a bunch of them all together. We never went Trick or Treating on Halloween where I come from. You went the Thursday night before Halloween. When the fire sirens went off at 6pm (which happened every day since we had a volunteer FD) you could start knocking on doors. If you left before that nobody would open their door to you. We'd trek between houses and hold out our pillow cases in hopes of the mecca of Halloween candy - the full size candy bar. It was elusive but could be found if you knew where to go. We would eventually end up at home right at 8 when Halloween was officially over. Into the car we'd pile and head to my grandparents for the traditional popcorn ball. The 4 mile trek was more than we were willing to walk, even hopped up on chocolate.

6. Whats your favorite scary movie?
I absolutely abhor scary movies. Abhor. The problem is not that they're unimaginative or hokey. I can distance myself from the gore and know how they made that scene. But once the lights go out at night I become convinced that everything I saw is real and will transpire that night in my house. I mean, I thought the Jabberwocky lived in my closet and to this day can't sleep if the closet door is ajar. Do I sound like a woman who should watch any type of scary movie?




Linking  up like I should!

Something Fascinating

I find other's ability to keep physically motivated fascinating! Unless I have an end goal, and one that is fairly attainable it's hard for me to keep going when it comes to training or the gym. I'm not sure why this is. I want to be in better shape. I actually do work hard at going to the gym - I'm there at least 3 times a week if not 4. But my heart isn't always in it.

How do people keep their heart in it? There are girls I see that are getting after it on the stair master, on the free weights, on the treadmill. And I want to go ask how they keep going. I also kind of want to order a pizza and just leave it in front of their machine to see how good their will power is.

I'm in the best shape of my life. And I don't want to keep going. I want to sit on the couch and eat donuts and Lucky Charms and pumpkin muffins. But I suspect I will, in fact, still go to the gym after work tomorrow night and get in my miles.

Mama Kat....link up.

My Imaginary Friends

Share 5 Fictional Friends you'd want in real life. (Movie/Book/TV etc.) (inspired by Hooked and Happy)

1. Loralie Gilmore. C'mon, people, I want to hang in Star's Hollow. The wit. The smart humor. The fast talking. The cute clothes. The troubadour weddings. How can you not want to be friends with Loralie?

2. Claire DeTamble. She deals with a time traveling husband. Clearly she can teach me how to handle ANY stressful situation in life. Also, she doesn't mope over Henry being gone. She doesn't like it but she doesn't mope over it. I picture this happening: "Henry, can you pick up some milk?" "I did, but it's from 10 years ago. Sorry."

3. Natalie (The House Bunny). She had the idea for a BYOM party! Bring your own MOUSE. Seriously. That kind of inspiration can't be replicated.

4. Walter White. I'd be terrified of disappointing him, but it would be magnificent to see it up close and in person. Plus if I need these pesky student loans paid off, surely he can spare that kind of cash. He's Heisenberg, after all.

5. A younger Cristina Yang. You know, the Yang that was in the first couple seasons. On a side note, I've given up on Grey's in the last year. But Yang I shall always love, even the more melancholy Yang.
"It's small. It's tiny size. It has cat-type creatures on it. But it is a chair. For ninety-nine cents, you can buy furniture. That is America, man! "
courtesy of http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0962365/quotes

A Dash and A Pinch

Mama Kat always has some great writing prompts, and the nice thing is that there is enough of a range that if you are married, single, parents, not parents, old, young, in-between, sharing today or sharing years ago...you can always find one if not two or three or four prompts that would be an option.

A prompt option this week was:  If you could change career paths now and be anything you wanted to be…what would you be and why?

If you've been reading my blog, well, ever, then you know that I would be a chef. A pastry chef to be perfectly clear. 

There is something so absolutely absorbing about baking. I lose myself in whatever it is that I'm making, whether it's a *gasp* box mix or from scratch. I honestly prefer to bake from scratch. Otherwise it's too easy; and by that I mean I have less time to lose myself. 

When I have time in the kitchen to bake it is one of the most relaxing pieces of my day. I had a moment the other night that turned into the realization that I can start to call myself a baker. Girls night in and brownies were needed. I pulled out the baking books to find a recipe and everything was way too complicated. We needed chocolate and we needed it pretty freaking quick. So I used trusty old Pinterest to find an easy brownie recipe. 

Now, hang on. I know you're thinking "What makes her think she can call herself a baker from following a pinterest recipe for easy brownies?" Well, the thing was I didn't have everything the recipe called for....including the right size pan. 

In my head I thought "I can totally wing this". Then I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best since I was making these for everyone. I sorta kinda almost doubled the recipe, threw in some cinnamon to make up for the lack of vanilla and a mix of special dark and regular cocoa. 

Seriously they were the best brownies I have ever made in my life. And I've made a lot of brownies. A lot. They tasted like box mix brownies - the chewy, fudgey kind. Usually homemade brownies that I've made in the past taste more like cake in texture and taste. These totally rocked my face off.

They made me believe that even if I'm not a baker by trade, I just may be one by choice.

Link up, you brilliant bloggers!

Is That A Yeti or a Poodle?

Mama Kat's been keeping me honest this summer. Well, here is one more example of my honesty.

This week had some great writing prompts and I chose the biggest fashion mistake I've ever made. Just one? I'm already breaking the rules and giving you two options for your viewing pleasure.

When I was little all I wanted to have was curly hair. My mom had curly hair, my older brother had curly hair...why couldn't I have it to???? My aunt was a hairdresser and she often permed my hair to within an inch of it's life. But those darn perms always fell out soon after. I mourned my curls, I wanted to wail and gnash my teeth and rend my garments. Yes, I wanted to be Esther, if she'd had wanted curly hair. As a last dirch effort to make my dreams come true, my aunt gave me a spiral perm. Who needs Walt Disney when I have an aunt with mad skills? From what my chemically processed brain can remember the spiral perm shouldn't have worked. A normal perm didn't work, so why would a spiral? I'm sure there is more reasoning behind it, but that's all I can dredge up from those days spent inhaling hair products.

This is what I ended up with. 

I was the human poodle. Seriously. And it stayed that way for months. I vowed to never touch a permanent again. 

But nothing compares to this lovely Heidi ensemble.

 Is that me or a Yeti? I love that my hair is bigger than my entire best friend. And why in the world was I wearing a dress to play in a dirt pile?  I remember I loved that dress though. All I needed was a flock of goats and a kindly grandfather to be Heidi incarnate. 

I can finally say, my hair has been my biggest fashion mistake. I can't take full credit for this, but I do feel somewhat responsible. I'm not sure what I did to tick it off as a child, but after 30 some odd years it has calmed down and forgiven me. Maybe I'll look good into my 60s?

Link up, get the skinny, and find some new groovy blogs to follow!

Where I Come From

Erin at Shades of Gray and a Pinch of Pink is one of my newest blog obsessions - Erin, I mean that in the least stalkerish way possible, pinkie promise - and she had the fantastic idea to learn more about where we all came from instead of where we are now. Behold, the Where I Come From link-up! That should be accompanied by trumpets and revelry. Commence, please. 

What are the biggest attractions in your area?

My hometown doesn't even have a red light, so "attractions" don't really exist.  We do have stop signs, so there's that. There are 2 traditions where I'm from that really does make me love my hometown. I'd consider them attractions. The first is the county fair that happens every September - the Big Knob Fair. It's small and the rides are probably riddled with tetanus. But you'll see everyone you grew up with while you eat an elephant ear and sip a lemonade. 

The second attraction is one that happens on graduation day. All of the graduates who are farmers or who's parents farm drive their tractors to the high school when we have graduation practice. These are not lawn mowers but impressively large and immensely expensive tractors. It's a sight to see, for sure. 

What's the average Saturday night like?

In the hometown, hanging on the front porch with friends. If it's during the summer months then the yard sparkles at times during early evening. It's the lightening bugs, you see. They don't exist here. I miss them every summer.

What sports teams does your area root for?

Seriously? Near Pittsburgh? The only NFL team to have six rings, that's right....the black and gold. The Steelers! But even more near and dear to my heart are the Penguins. My boys on the ice. Who needs that stuck up Ovechkin???? Not us, we have Sid the Kid and Malkin. My heart is broken that Staal has been traded  to the Hurricanes. I'll wear my jersey until it falls apart.

*I think there's a thing called a "baseball" team, but I have no idea. The Parrots maybe? Oh wait, it's the Pirates....yeah.*

What kind of home-cooked meals are served?

Pierogies, which are pockets of dough filled with mashed potatoes and cheese. Then you fry a ton of onions and bacon, fry the pierogies in the grease and it's heaven in your mouth. 

Haluski, a noodle/cabbage/onion deal that's all fried in butter. 

Um, we like fried meals? It's the Eastern European heritage that runs rampant through the hills.

Do you have restaurant chains that aren't anywhere else?

King's and Eat-n-Park. Typical diners where you can go 24 hours a day. But the place I miss the most is Sheetz. At Sheetz you can get shmuffins, shgas, shbananas and shcoffee, to name a few things. Seriously though, I miss Sheetz. It's a gas station chain that also has made-to-order everything. They're open 24 hours a day which means that when you have a 2am craving for an english muffin sandwich, otherwise known as a shmuffin, it magically appears!

What's the scenery like? Mountains, desert, beaches?

It's very green, hilly and curvy. The kind that makes DH a wee bit carsick. Not the green part. Yep that sums it up.

What kind of activities did the kids in your neighborhood play?

My brothers and cousins used to play War at night. They'd ride their bikes and sneak through the woods with air rifles trying to mangle one another. I was the only girl. I stayed inside out of the line of fire.

What about style - prim and proper, casual country?

Farm casual? Is that a style? We're very rural. Funnily enough, I never felt like I fit in, even when the "look" was jeans and sweatshirts in high school. You can't get more laid back and yet I still felt uncomfortable.

What animal gets hit on the road most frequently?

Deer and skunk are probably tied. The smell of skunk actually makes me homesick, that's how often it happens. I'm weird though - it's genetic...my grandfather had a pet skunk that lived under the porch when he was a kid. If deer had a smell then maybe I'd be better able to determine the roadkill ratio between the two.

What kind of music blasts through local radio stations?

Country. Country. Country. And some pop. But mainly country.

I hope y'all enjoyed learning a little bit about my small (not kidding y'all) hometown. Link-up and learn me something about yourselves!

Liebster! Liebster! Liebster!

The fantastic Heather at Cookies for Breakfast has gifted me with the Liebster Award! Per Heather (and she knows everything, fo' realz) "The Liebster award is given to upcoming bloggers who have fewer than 200 followers. The meaning: Liebster is German and means sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing and welcome."- Adrian (Adrian Loves Owls)" So maybe Adrian is the know it all? Hmmm...anyway, I'm so freaking honored to be given this award. I'd like to thank the Academy...oh, wait, er.

So the way it works is I nominate 11 blogs and ask 11 questions.






 I also have to answer the 11 questions that Heather came up with. Oh, and I pulled the Liebster graphic from google images and it linked me back to http://bettesmovieblog.blogspot.com/2012/08/liebster-blog-award-that-is-how-you.html.

Heather's Questions....I feel like I'm on Inside The Actor's Studio!!!

1. If you could hang out with one reality TV star, who would it be?

Ooooh. This is a hard one. I want to say Snooki because she needs some edumacation about things. Like peeing inside. But then I’d feel like I had to “mother” her. Or Khloe Kardashian? Except Kris really gets under my skin. It’d have to be just Khloe and I.

2. What is your current goal as a blogger?

To be who I am in real life in my blog. It’s easy to cultivate this uber cool girl who has it all together, but that’s the biggest load of hogwash ever. See, I just proved it. Who says “hogwash” that’s cool?

3. McDonald’s or Wendy’s?

Wendy’s for sure! I ate a lot of McDonald’s in undergrad. It was the hangover food of choice. I think my roommates and I kept their stock pretty high, especially Junior year. It wasn’t my finest year, but it was full of greasy goodness. Now though, I can’t eat it much or it makes me a little sick. Psychosomatic maybe? I ate it when hungover therefore my body thinks it’s hungover whenever I eat it?

Plus Wendy’s makes great chili.

4. What’s the craziest thing you’ve done on a night out (alcohol-induced or otherwise)?

My college years are restricted since my fam reads this here blog. Probably the last tattoo I got. I went with the BFF and picked out what I thought was a small tattoo of a Celtic sun with a star between the points. The thing ended up being much bigger and I’m pretty sure I swore like a sailor while he was inking over my overies. If my future Wee Ones come out all tatted up, you’ll know why. And then last year I was informed that it’s the Pakistani flag symbol if you take the celtic knots out of the sun design! So now I’m inadvertently supporting specific Middle Eastern countries???

5. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?

Arabella. I don’t know why. She sounds like a woman with long legs and impeccable style?

6. Favorite Saturday Night Live skit/character? 

There is an old skit called The Leatherman with Jimmy Fallon and Brit Brit – that’s Britney Spears for those of you not in the know. I don’t know why I loved that skit but I think I may have sprayed something out of my nose when I saw it. Nothing has lived up to it since. In complete honesty though I don’t watch SNL very often. I feel like growing up in the 80s I got gypped. All the great comedians were before I was old enough to understand, or at least my being allowed to stay up late enough to watch. Then when I was old enough SNL kinda sucked. C’mon, y’all were thinking the same thing!

7. Share a link to your favorite recipe of all time!

I don’t have a link to my mom’s brain or that’s what I would do! Some of the things she made that I love are chicken braid, ham and potato rosti (she uses cubed potatoes and farmers cheese with the ham), her homemade mac and cheese, potato soup, salmon patties, dilled cucumbers and her biscuits.

8. What’s one thing you are dying to add to your wardrobe right now?

A pair of gorgeous Frye knee high leather boots. Oh, can I also have the legs to go with them? Arabella does.

9. What is your best quality (personality/physical/whatever)?

My eyes are my best physical feature. I’ve always loved my eyes, which cannot be said for my other features. I didn’t really feel comfortable with who I was until I was in my mid-20s. But my eyes were always something that I thought was pretty darn good about me.

10. What is your guiltiest TV pleasure?

Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I know. I’m hanging my head in shame over here. If it makes any of you feel better, I consider them the shining example of how not to have a life, except for Khloe and Lamar. I really do love her!

11. What is your guiltiest food pleasure?

Snowballs. The Hostess kind that are full of sugar and chemicals. I heart them. DH surprises me with them when I’m having a really really bad day week.

OK, so now I need to nominate 11 fabulous bloggers!
1. OliePants
http://oliepants.wordpress.com/
2. Shades of Grey with a Pinch of Pink  - Erin has more than 200 followers but I absolutely love her blog!
http://shadesofgrayandapinchofpink.blogspot.com/
3. Blog by Bre
http://blogbybre.blogspot.com/
4. The Baby Is Fine - Mo makes me crack up and wish I were wittier with my words.
http://thebabyisfine.com/
5. A Day in the Life
http://cgcavallaro.blogspot.com/
6. Because My Life Is Fascinating
http://hilljean.blogspot.com/
7. Life According to Amanda
http://lifeaccordingtoamanda.com/
8. A Little Something For Me - I know that Kristen has way more than 200 but since it's not actually listed on her site, I can pretend that she's just this hidden awesome jewel that you should know about!
http://www.alittlesomethingforme.com/
9. We're Living a Full Life
http://werelivingafulllife.blogspot.com/
10. MaMe Musings
http://mamemusings.blogspot.com/
11. My Life as a Chic Country Cowgirl Bride
http://www.chiccountrycowgirl.com/

Sorry about all the links! Blogger is trying to sabotage me and it keeps linking my websites to the graphic at the top. Sigh. And right after I was given an award. Go ahead, Heather, take it back.

Ok, so now my questions...duhn duhn duhn.
1. What's your favorite cereal to eat either as an adult or when you were a kid?
2. What was your undergrad degree in or what did you want to get a degree in?
3. Which season is your favorite?
4. What sound do you hate (I had to sneak some James Lipton in here!)
5. What is your least favorite thing about an election year?
6. What is one item of clothing that you love that you own?
7. If you were stranded on an island what are the three things you would want to have with you?
8. What is your favorite part of the day?
9. Did you have a security item as a little kid? 
10. If you could only read one book ever again, what would it be?
11. If you've ever lived with a roommate, what is/was the best thing about it?

Alright you spunky showkids, go knock 'em dead!

Good Morning, Good Morning

If my momma is reading this then she's thinking the same thing I am....


If this is not the first thing you think then I suggest you reorganize your priorities in life.

I've always been a morning person. The downside of being a morning person is that my morning has started earlier and earlier as I've gotten older. So now sleeping in is roughly 7:30. When did that happen? Anyway, a normal morning starts around 5:30. I stumble to the kitchen hoping that Puppy didn't decide the carpet looked an awful lot like grass in the middle of the night. I'm greeted by a muddled yowling from the laundry room as Henry makes his morning presence known. He hates not being in the know, which translates roughly into "HEY! WHO'S OUT THERE? LEMME OUT? PLEASE?" As soon as I open the door he runs out and purrs like a madman while tripping over my feet. All I can think about is coffee and all he can think about is being scratched behind his ears. Self-absorbed cat. Once the illusion of caffeine is in the air I can finish the routine. Shower, where Henry makes himself known and then jumps in and lays in the water that's left once I get out. I swear he's part dog. Working in a clinic has it's advantages....grab some scrub bottoms and a t-shirt and I'm ready to go. Back into the kitchen and throw some soy or almond milk, a banana and some frozen fruit into the Ninja. Warn Henry and the Puppy that it's about to get real in the kitchen. Shake in a Nalgene and coffee in my Starbucks mug and away I go.

Mama Kat's glimpse into real life.

Cross Country

One of the scariest moments of my life was when I took a job in the Deep South. I was getting ready to graduate, I was full of expectations and hope about a new job, I had a boyfriend who was going to move to the same area...life was good. But scary.


Three years and a couple months ago I did something that a lot of people say was brave or cool or something they didn't think they could do. I packed up my graduate apartment the week after graduation and prepared to make my way in the world. Five states away. Where I had visited exactly two times - once to interview and once to find an apartment.


On a side note, if you're ever looking to get rid of most of your belongings, pay attention. First, apply for positions all over the country where you know no one. Second, take a job five states away from where you currently live. Third, realize that there is no way you can afford to hire a moving truck, have your family drive the truck while you drive you car and then pay for your family to fly home.  Four, realize with a sinking heart that the only way to do this is to ship your books via post office,  put what fits in the car and buy all new furniture once you get to your new city. Five, look at your very small very old two door car and go buy a bigger more reliable car. I guarantee that this will result in you jettisoning 95% of your belongings. By the time I was packed I couldn't even fit the Brita in my car. 


The couple days before leaving for my lonely drive to Texas was accompanied by bouts of crying, stress over what I could actually get in my car, spending sweet time with friends and returning to my childhood home for a last few precious days with my parents and family.


I think I've never been as scared as when I pulled out of my parents driveway to begin the three day drive. I pushed back second thoughts and tears for hours the first day. I kept up a pretty good front until I reached Texarkana on my second day. I had driven nine hours that day through a very gray and rainy Tennessee and Arkansas. I got to my anonymous hotel that night and lost my mind. The tears flowed and I questioned my decision to move so far away from everything and everyone I knew. I wanted to turn around and head home. But instead I went to bed, woke the next morning, did a sprint through Ikea for furniture and headed further west.


In retrospect, this was the perfect place for me to be. I love Texas, thank Heavens! I love my job...most of the time. And that boyfriend? He also got jettisoned. He couldn't fit in the car. 


Linking up with Mama Kat! Click on her button below and share some blog love with the other's linking up!

Ay ya ya.....fiesta!

When I think of fiesta I think of The Three Amigos, sombreros, margaritas, pinatas and burros or donkeys. So when Little Monkey's 3rd birthday theme became a fiesta complete with taco bar and chili pepper pinata, I knew that I had to make donkey cookies.

I love to bake. I love starting with flour and sugar and a little salt, add some heat and voila! Cookies! Cake! Pastry! Pie dough...well, we're working on that one. Anyway, there is something magical and soothing about being in the kitchen for me. It's a way for me to pour my love into something that is shared with others. I never keep an entire batch of anything for myself. Pieces and slices and servings are doled out to friends, co-workers, family, DH's coworkers. Anyone. If it wouldn't be weird, I would leave anonymous  baked goods on strangers front doorsteps.

I hum, sing, dance and concentrate fiercely when I'm baking. When I'm icing cookies I end up with hand cramps and a chapped lower lip. I am like a small child concentrating on getting it "just right" and subconciously alternate between licking and biting my lower lip while I pipe and add details.

My kitchen looks perfect when there is disarray such as below...

The end result wasn't as great as I'd have liked, but I will be the first to admit that I am a very large Type A. Nothing short of perfection makes me happy when it comes to what I put out there.  I figure that no one at the party will even notice the uneven blankets when they taste the killer chocolate icing. Oh yeah, no dyed brown icing here....it's chocolate all the way!

Baking is my way of having my dream job for a few hours. Surrounded by baked goods...that's a great job!