Barefoot in the Park

DH took me to the park for a picnic. We did not re-enact this scene....


I love this movie. Have you ever seen it? If you haven't, you need to. There are few things more entertaining in life than a young Robert Redford and Jane Fonda in a Neil Simon play. We did take our shoes off, so technically we were barefoot in the park.

We took a picnic blanket and laid in the grass, talking about whatever came to mind. It was a perfect morning. I can't think of anything I'd rather do than spend the day with him.

Anyway, we went to the park and it was a beautiful day. The only thing I did to these pictures was crop them. The light was beautiful, the sky was a rich blue and the grass was a spring green. I just wanted to share.

A Random Thankful Thursday

Too often I forget that I have a lot to be thankful for. Some of the things I'm thankful for today?

Meeting a teenager who I can help.
Having a manager who wants to help me hone my skills and actually takes the time to do it.
Understanding what it's like to have a sibling with a disability.
Pumpkin chocolate chip bars.
Seeing my parents work harder than anything to provide enough for all of us.
Having hot water come out of a tap when I turn it on.
Learning from my mom how to make biscuits when you don't have any milk but the recipe calls for it anyway.
Being lucky enough to help families and see them through their worst.
Rainy cool weather that lets me wear sweaters.

Kettlebell, Anyone?

I met with a dietitian today. She gets me. Hopefully I'll be able to stick with whatever plan we come up with. But more about that later.

On the way home I ran into Academy and bought a kettlebell.

This particular one came with a DVD workout and was all of $10. So I pop it in, warn Puppy to stay clear and go to town. About 10 minutes in I am dripping. Seriously. Like ran 4 miles at a good pace dripping. Like did hot yoga for an hour dripping. Thank heavens I was doing this at home because I would have been wearing minimal clothing required in a gym setting. I would have possibly been asked to cover up or leave.

The whole work-out lasted about 50 minutes with warm up and cool down. I was winded in a good way by the end, totally gross and sweaty and felt like I'd had an amazing work-out! Curious about how many calories a kettlebell work-out burns, I did a quick Google search. Conservative estimates are 20 calories a minute. What? That's twice what is burned during a run. According to one site I burned over a thousand calories....um, probably not.

Anyone have any ideas about what they actually burn using a kettlebell?

How Long Is Long Enough?

There is an episode of How I Met Your Mother where Ted asks Stella to marry him...after a couple months of dating. According to DH, this is a little crazy. He's only known her a couple months!

This question has always been interesting to me. My question: How long is long enough? When did our society shift toward a long dating followed by a long engagement model? Why does this change in times of war and stress?

I don't think there's one right answer to this question. Everyone comes from different backgrounds and places where histories play a big part. If you've been hurt in the past and don't get past that easily then maybe it takes you longer to know that this person will not do the same. Maybe you've been hurt but you say C'est la vie and jump back in quickly. Maybe, like most people, it's not so black and white but an eternity of shades of gray.

How much of this also is a direct result of our culture? The idea that we, both men and women, can have it all. We just have to wait longer for some of it. And sometimes, we wait too long. Sometimes we let the most amazing opportunities pass by because we're so focused on what we want instead of what we need.

Do we search for the unattainable or the mythical in our other half? Are we always looking for something better to come along? When did we shift from seeing someone as a good loving capable providing human and only see them in terms of how attractive lucrative cutting edge they are?

I feel like these two ideas are completely intertwined. If we weren't always looking for something better maybe we could see what is in front of us. If we could focus on the person then we wouldn't be blinded by the public persona.

These are just some thoughts, half-formed at best, regarding how long is long enough.

Imperfection Personified

There are a lot of thoughts roiling in my mind right now. I've always had an idea of what I should look like, and let me tell you...I have never looked like my "vision". I know that my vision is unrealistic in every way.

My vision has been propelled by what the world has told me is attractive.
What the world tells me is acceptable.
What the world has told me is enough.

But what Genesis 1:27 tells me is that "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." So am I telling God that He's not beautiful? Am I really going to go there? Really? How conceited or small minded can I be? Why do I want to change who He has made me to be?

Because the world tells me that what He made is not good enough.

Let's put this in perspective. In the last 5 weeks I have ran 90 miles. And I have not lost a pound. When I use the BMI and body fat charts to see where I fall, they tell me I am overweight and obese, respectively. I would have to lose 40 pounds in order to have the body fat of a "fit" person. Seriously? Death would be the outcome of me losing 40 pounds. I would be skeletal, literal skin and bones. But if I subscribe to the formulas and equations that the world uses to measure my worth as a healthy being, I would have to strive for the unreachable.

What gets lost when focusing on the BMI and body fat charts is that I ran 90 miles in 5 weeks. My body is healthy and strong enough to run 90 miles. That is 18 miles a week....between a 1/2 marathon and a full marathon. Maybe this is one more race for me to run, outpacing my insecurities. Has He made me not good enough? He has given me a body that can move and run and play and work well. One of my favorite passages of scripture is Hebrews 12:1-2:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith."
Because in every aspect of faith and life we are faced with races that require perseverance and commitment. Whether it be completing a work project on time, getting out and literally running, making dinner when it feels overwhelming and pointless or finishing the laundry. Why should accepting ourselves be any easier? We are our own worst critics, the most heartless shame-filled wonky-eyed individuals. Kinda like we're all stuck in one of those Claritan clear commercials...you know, where they magically removed the filter that allergies give you and voila! We can all see clearly. Um...can I get one of those magic pills please? It'll make me accept myself, right?

I am imperfection personified. Imperfection that I am learning to love. Until then I will cling to His perfect image that He knows me to be, even when I can't see it myself.

Sprinkles and Spooks

I'm trying to keep up with this posting at least every other day thing...tonight I had high hopes of writing a pretty hefty post after going for a run. Then I remembered that I needed to finish some cookies for both a weekend Halloweeny party and for DH's co-workers.

I totally adore these bats. I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm destined to have boys someday and I can make them a constant stream of batman themed cookies? Heavens, my possible future children are gonna be fatties.

The pumpkins were only a good idea in theory. I bought chocolate jimmies, or for you southerners "sprinkles" and was going to use them to emphasize the faces. That was only gonna be workable if I was going to place individual jimmies on the faces. This is the face I made when I realized the flaw in my plan!

On top of all of this my hands are stained grey and I tried to instigate a fight with DH because I'm tired and grumpy tonight. Luckily he deals with my particular brand of crazy well. Sigh. Maybe I should have gone running after all.

Puppy Playing

I meant to blog last night. Yeah, about that. I get to have Life Group with an amazing group of women on Tuesdays and last night we went a bit longer, just talking and being in the Word. It was 11pm before I got home, and I had ran after work, and I didn't sleep very well the night before, and how much of an excuse does this all sound like to not blog?

Anyway, I debated about writing a post on what's been on my mind lately but it's a big thought and I'm just winging this right now, so maybe later today. On the plus side - well, for all you devoted readers - is that I woke up to Puppy who really wanted to play. My Flip had died from lack of purpose since I haven't used it in over a year, so you'll all have to be happy with a picture instead of video.

Watching her play is definitely a lesson in how to approach life. She is relentless, in a good way, about getting to her throw toy. She'll pull out different options just to have something new to play with...today it was the chewy bone, the purple dinosaur/kangaroo hybrid and a stuffed snowman. She will run and run and run. She sinks her teeth into it and doesn't let go. Literally. You can pick her up with the toy. She will bring you what she wants. She is definitely enjoying this morning!

Maybe we should all approach life a little like Puppy. A little more recklessly in giving of ourselves - our time, our money, our talents, our love. Maybe we should go after what we want, sink our teeth in and not let go.

Run Like the Wind...

Nah, that's not quite right. I think the line is "Sew like the wind, old one". I'll give a dollar to the first person who knows where that's from.

Anyway, tonight we may not have run like the wind...but we did run 9 miles. Hold the phone. NINE miles? Shut the front door. 9 miles. It's been a year and a half since we have run that far. Our mile time hovered between 10:30 and 11:00 for a total of 1:39. That's in hours and minutes, people. If you'd prefer, it's 99 minutes. We ran for over and hour and half.

It's just occurred to me that we may need professional help.

Commencing Challenge

Ok, so I have no actual theme in mind for this post. I am emerging from a weekend long funk of sickness and steroids. Thank heavens for CareNow. I went to bed feeling crappy on Friday night and when I felt no better when I woke up. So off DH and went to get me a diagnosis and some good drugs. Missing work is no option for me at this point - mainly because I'm selfish and don't want to use my vacation time when I can't be on a vacation.

Lots of movies and TV, including The Conspirator (totally worth renting!), Sanctum (eh, it was ok) and about half a season of Dexter. A wonderful DH who went and brought back "sick" food so I could feel better. I have to say, I feel 634% better than I did yesterday morning. In fact, my running partner and I are attempting a nine mile run tonight. They - whoever "they" are - say that as long as you're sick from the neck up you are fine to work out. We'll see.

The worst part of being sick in this instance? They gave me steroids to help the inflammation and the dose they gave me on can kind of push me over the edge. Have any of you ever had the steroid anxiety? It sucks. It makes me paralyzed with fear that something bad is going to happen. I'll start crying for no reason. I get a little panicky. It makes me really grateful that I'm normally a very stable person. Now, the only time this has ever happened was when I was on a higher dose for a longer amount of time....so, I'm hoping I can avoid it this go-round.

Maybe the steroids will make me run faster? I'm just hoping we manage the whole nine.

Techno-Dependent: Friday Confessional

There were so many thoughts I had last night. I was ready to blog. Well, semi-ready. I was really tired and wanted to just sleep, but I was going to blog because I challenged myself.

Then my computer anti-virus software started an update and I couldn't get to the internet. Bah.

My confession this morning is that I felt completely cut off from the world without access to my blog and internet. Seriously? Am I so reliant? Yep.

The internet is how I stay in touch with a lot of my friends who are in Yankeeland or flung across our 50 states. Facebook is a huge part of that. What can I say, I like to see what people are up to! Although sometimes I wish I didn't know. Their drama makes me really glad I'm so far away and the posts about dinner make me hungry. But the pictures of my family and godbabies are like balm to my heart.

My blog is an easy way for my lovely parents to see what I'm up to when we can't talk. I really should do more video and pictures I guess! At least one of my aunts reads as well and will send me emails about things I write. Thanks, Auntie.

I'm a little scared I've become too technology dependent. I don't even know phone numbers anymore because everyone is in the cell phone. I finally memorized DH's number after 7 or 8 months; this was born from the realization that he is hardly ever on Facebook and his email address is also in my phone. If I lost my phone I'd be in trouble, for sure.

There it is, my last Friday Confessional. Thanks Kristen for getting me writing at least every Friday morning.

A Plethora of Posts

I've recently seen a lot of blogs that are attempting to write every day. Some are using a challenge and some are using list, like 10 things in 10 days.

I feel kinda like a slacker when it comes to writing on here. Sometimes I have tons to say and I don't have the time or energy to get it all done. Then it swirls away into the recesses of my mind and is lost forever. I often compose parts of posts in my head and love how eloquent I can be, and then by the time I can write it down I can't remember any of it. And then there are stretches of time that I can't come up with anything "interesting" to say. Maybe that's not true to an outsider reading my blog, but I feel like it's not interesting.

So starting tomorrow, when I have access to my blog and internet, I will try to write something every other day at the very least for one month. I can't promise it'll be anything very entertaining by the end of the month but maybe it'll get some creative vibe going.

Oh yeah, I'm totally counting this post as the first one.

Because It's Fall and No Longer 90 Degrees Outside

The Deep South has finally dipped below the 90 degree mark. I have fingers crossed that this stays true and we don't have more Indian summer. DH and I made pumpkin pancakes this weekend because it's fall and I can now enjoy all things fall related!

Well, except for sweaters. And scarves. And long wool peacoats. And hot chocolate. And chili. And cool frosty mornings. Because it's hard to get into all this when it's still almost but not quite 90 degrees outside.

I did take some pictures of the pancake process, but nothing looked very appetizing once I looked at the frames, so I'll spare everyone. Y'all know what pancake batter looks like, right?

Pumpkin Pancakes
Makes around 12, depending on how big you like them
Heat griddle or large pan over medium heat. Coat with small amount of oil, cooking spray or butter. When cold water sizzles on the pan you are ready to go.

Pancakes
2 c flour
4 tsp baking powder
3/4 to 1 tsp salt - I use closer to 3/4 tsp since I have sea salt and it tastes saltier to me
2 tbsp sugar - sometimes I use a little extra when adding the pumpkin below due to the amount of spices being used.

Mix the above four ingredients to incorporate them together.

1 egg, well beaten
1 3/4 c milk
1/3 c oil

Mix together wet ingredients and add to dry. Stir together until just mixed - there will be lumps...that's ok.

Pumpkin part - I got this off the internet a couple years ago but have no clue from where, so I'm not trying to steal this as my own.
1 c pure pumpkin
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp pumpkin pie spice
*I use 1/8-1/4 tsp clove in place of the pumpkin pie spice. Isn't pumpkin pie spice just cinnamon, nutmeg and clove anyway? So 3 tsp of spice may be overkill. Proceed cautiously!*

Mix pumpkin and spices then stir into pancake batter.

Drop 1/4 cup of batter onto pan. When the edges look dry and bubble it's probably time to flip them. Cook until brown on both sides.

This pancake recipe is one from an old old cookbook my momma has. It's a basic recipe and one that I have tweaked over the years, adding oats, taking away oil, adding applesauce. It's a great base.

So make some pancakes this week. Oh, and if it's cool enough, someone wear a sweater for me while sipping hot chocolate, ok?

A Break from Fantasy

It's raining here in the Deep South. We need it, for sure. It's perfect curl up and read weather. It's perfect snuggle on the couch and watch a movie weather. It's perfect pancake weather.

It is not perfect running weather. At. All. My running partner and I were supposed to run 8 miles tonight. Totally not happening in the deluge that has been hanging out over our neck of the woods.

So instead I ran down the street to Wal-Mart and bought a $10 biggest loser cardio-max work-out DVD. Why is it so much harder to do cardio for an hour than run for an hour? Ok, I should preface this with the fact that our 4 mile run on Thursday was awful. But in general I can go run with my girlie and we can do pretty good. But Bob Harper makes me feel like a huge failure in the fitness arena.

Adding to this period of hard runs is the fact that DH and I have gotten away from the strict eating plan we were doing. And given that he was one of my few supports for that eating plan, it's hard to not want to eat crap all the time. We do not want to be happy fat, dangit!

Compounding (such a fancy way of saying "adding to" except I just used "adding to") my feeling of poor self-esteem today is the "I Used to Be Fat" marathon on MTV. According to one of their weight loss gurus, my weight should be about 24 pounds less than it is now for my height. 24 pounds. I don't think I will ever see 125 pounds again. If memory serves correctly, I think I may have sped past 125 pounds when I was about 10 years old in between bites of a Snickers bar.

Taking the proverbial step backward here, I do realize that I am in the best shape of my life right now. I have run and cardio'd and changed what I eat and look and feel the best that I have ever been. I am healthier than I have been in a long time. I want to be around for a long time because DH has promised he's not letting me go anywhere anytime soon. But somedays it just doesn't seem like anything is changing and that I'm spinning my wheels and not getting anywhere.

Do any of you ever feel like this? What is your personal motivation for continuing to try and be the best you? What gets you down?

Yeah, That's It: Friday Confessional

I'm too tired to actually write a confession. Yep. So instead I'll write a short list of reasons that if I were Catholic I may need to go to confession. Except that I'm not Catholic, so I may have a list that isn't really a reason to go. What? I'm confused now.

I take a break from praying on my way to work to verbal, although quietly, berate fellow drivers.
I haven't talked to my younger brother in a couple months.
I should call my grandparents more often.
I stole a Tootsie Roll from another audiologist's hearing aid order in a moment of weakness and sugar spiral.
I feel fat despite the vast amount of running I've been doing instead of proud that I can run so far.


Short list. I'm not telling everything.

Celebrity Death Match: Katy Perry versus Tiffany

Can I just say I love Katy Perry's songs? Every single dang one (except the one with Kanye) makes me envision lollipops and jazz hands flying everywhere. But the real question is how does she measure up to the absolute icon of teenybopper pop...Tiffany. I mean, I know she didn't orginally do I Think We're Alone Now but she totally could've.

And for me, Tiffany would kick Katy's butt in a celebrity death match.  But I think it'd be close. Jazz hands can be considered weapons when used to their full advantage. DH has visibly flinched when I whip out the jazz hands while in confined spaces. I'm sure it's because he's scared of their implied skill and not because he's questioning my ratio of beauty:quirkiness.

I think I dated myself in this post. Are the cool kids still talking about Celebrity Death Match or is that like neo-cool? Or maybe it's hipster ironic? Which means tweens in skinny jeans with fashion glasses and beatnik scarves are discussing who would come out on top in very bored voices while sipping $10 half caff lates. Is anyone else scared, cause now I am.

Last night I had a nightmare about a man who tried to steal my wallet and stopped when I told him he looked like a girl. Tonight, I'm sure, will be filled with jazz hands and bored tweens.

Help.

If anyone needs to block this post out your consciousness, head over to Love From the Oven and enter to win enough Fall themed sugary goodness to keep you awake and nightmare free for the next month. While you're there, take the time to check out her amazing recipes and posts!

9 Months...Did I Just Scare You?

Nine months ago I met the love of my life. Those of you who no longer are all lovey-dovey about your other half can just stop reading here. Thanks for not saying how sick we make everybody....we're happy, darnit, and in love!

My DH is amazing. He is a daily reminder of God's love and grace over me because he is more than I ever expected or deserve. I have a hard time putting this all into words...maybe I should start my letter to him now for our one year anniversary. I think it'll take me 2 months to get it out and not sound like a Dick and Jane book. "DH is a man" "Awn is a woman" "They are dating" "I love you, DH" "I love you, Awn". Right?

So in lieu of a long post, I thought I'd put up a picture of the gorgeous flowers he bought me for last month's anniversary.

This is SOOC (Straight Out Of Camera). I took the picture on the balcony in natural sunlight. I am in love with this color scheme. The deep pink and the hint of green and brown on the tips of the roses....perfection. Plus I love that the one rose is classic and the rest almost look like English garden roses (at least I think that's what those roses are called).

And this is after playing around with color and saturation/contrasts.

But this one is beautiful in a classic way. All I did was change it to black and white and overlay a white mask (I think this is what I did anyway) or a white filter. Totally changed the way I saw these flowers.


Should I tie this all in with a statement of how DH and I are always changing and allowing each other to see different layers of each other? No? Ok, I won't.

Halloween Madness

Ok, so that might be a bit of an over statement. But we did carve pumpkins last night! My Roomie, her BFF, DH and I and friends all hung out in the beautiful fall-ish weather.

It was a cool night here in the Deep South - it only reached 80 degrees yesterday....that's practically scarf weather down here.

And I was working with this....

So what could I complain about?


All in all, life is good.