The Face of Infertility

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. I wasn't going to blog because, c'mon yinz guys...I feel like that's all this blog has been about for the last three years. But today is one of those days. It's a heavy day. And sometimes it helps to get that out in the gym (tried it), on paper (currently typing) or through song (I don't have enough gas in the state of Texas to drive and sing this out).

We are the face of infertility. E and I. It's not just us. I will guarantee you that we are not the only people you know who are struggling/have struggled/will struggle with trying to have a family. But tonight's post is just about me.

It's been nine months since we had our failed transfer. We realized that this past Sunday. It's a sobering realization. This should have been a joyous time in our lives, a time of counting fingers and toes, a time of not enough sleep, a time of too many diapers and making sure the cats didn't smother a newborn since babies are just so warm and easy to curl up with.

Normally I would try and make lemonade at this point...with some vodka to smooth the edges. But tonight I'm in a lemons mood. Our lives will always look different from what we imagined. Our new normal is heartbreaking in the smallest most surprising ways.

I can't sit through baby dedications at church. Hearing babies cry in the waiting room at work can be heart wrenching. Books and movies and TV shows are a minefield of pregnancy story lines, lame jokes about sleep deprivation, and completely unrealistic infertility story lines with *surprise surprise* happy endings. Even Second Lady Pence is contributing to the fallacies that abound in the public about infertility. Let me just say here and now that the Jesus I know loves science. So I don't think He has serious concerns over using the science that we have to try and have babies when our bodies are broken. Conceiving or lack of is not tied to anyone's faith.

"Relax and it'll happen."

"When it's God's timing."

"Have you tried a natural diet?"

"You can always just adopt."

"Eat pineapple, drink pomegranate juice, take herbs, do eastern medicine."

In the last few days of this week, if you know someone whose heart has been scoured raw by infertility, do them a favor. Support them. Don't offer advice. If you're a believer pray for their hearts and grace and mercy. Let them cry or rage or pretend that nothing is wrong.

I didn't write this post to garner sympathy or to make anyone feel bad for us. It's just a picture of what this life looks like with infertility and no options left. Tomorrow will be less heavy. Even happy. This weekend will be amazing. The heavy times will ebb and flow just as the good times do.