This Is Getting Real

I know it's been awhile since I posted about our struggle to have a baby. There have been some things that I've been keeping quiet about regarding our next steps. No, I'm not pregnant...at least not yet. It is a difficult decision to know how much to share on here. Some days I like being transparent as Saran Wrap. And other days I want to hide under a hoodie under a blanket under a comforter, as in opaque. DH and I have talked a lot about this dilemma. We want to be open about how hard it is to make a freaking baby! But we also want to allow ourselves privacy for both the good and the bad parts.

There is a lot of grieving that happens through this process. But today's post is a happy one.

So here's the down and dirty of it all. We fall into the unexplained infertility category. IUI didn't work. IVF isn't a good option, both statistically and financially. I've got the equivalent of the dented can bargain bin going on when it comes to my eggs. (Sorry if that's TMI, but this is a post about infertility.) It's just a fact of life that as I get older the quality of what's coming off that production line is compromised compared to my younger self. Adoption is as financially draining as IVF and foster care is something we can't emotionally comprehend at this point.

Four months ago DH and I sat down with our doctor, the amazing Dr. K, and looked at our options. What we came down to was embryo donation. I've touched on this before here, but never shared what we decided to do following that appointment. Embryo donation is exactly what it sounds like. Some amazingly compassionate couple who have had successful IVF in the past can donate any frozen embryos that they still have.

The way our clinic works is that they only use donations from patients there. They are not part of the networks so they can be sure of every part of the process. Once we are offered and accept embryos there will be a few tests that I need to have done, uncomfortable ones I'm sure. Then some hormones to make sure that everything is nice and cozy in the oven. After all of that they will thaw and transfer the embryos to me.

We're excited to share that we are currently first on the list at our clinic! 

This means that when the next set of embryos are donated we will have a chance to learn about them and accept them. This has all moved really quickly in the past week and it's a mixture of terrifying and exhilarating. DH and I have decided to share when we accept embryos but we'll keep the rest of the timeline under wraps so we can decide when to share either the great news that we're going to have a little snuggle bug or the less than desired news that this part of our life has come to an end. Either way we know that we already have a family - he and I.

The Weekends

Yep, that's plural.

Last weekend brought torrential rain and cooler weather. It finally is feeling kind of fall-like around these here parts. And when it gets cooler all of my baking and cooking and nesting instincts come out in full force. The rest of the year they're at half force, FYI. So it was a weekend of pudding...

...and bread. Heavens do I love this bread recipe. Last weekend I added cheddar and rosemary. I've shared it before but here is the website again if you're interested in a nearly fail proof recipe.  http://www.simplysogood.com/2010/03/crusty-bread.html

And when I say nearly failproof I mean it. I was chatting with DH and I accidentally put in 2 1/2 times the amount of yeast. Then I looked in the bowl, swore and decided the heck with it. Either it would work or it wouldn't, but I wasn't throwing away 3 cups of flour that might turn into bread. It sure rose quicker than usual, but it turned out fine when I baked it today.

This weekend brought Halloween, of course. That meant pumpkin and bat cookies. Crossfit costumes (we didn't get any pictures), passing out candy and champagne on the patio.

Preparations for DH's next birthday party are underway and our house is a land of Amazon boxes, otherwise known as cat traps. More pictures in a few weeks.

As we're all facing another Monday and this one with earlier sunset thanks to daylight savings time, I leave you with this:

I'm the captain meow. (Totally found this on Reddit and then grabbed the pic from Imgur.)

Happy Sunday!