Imperfection Personified

There are a lot of thoughts roiling in my mind right now. I've always had an idea of what I should look like, and let me tell you...I have never looked like my "vision". I know that my vision is unrealistic in every way.

My vision has been propelled by what the world has told me is attractive.
What the world tells me is acceptable.
What the world has told me is enough.

But what Genesis 1:27 tells me is that "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." So am I telling God that He's not beautiful? Am I really going to go there? Really? How conceited or small minded can I be? Why do I want to change who He has made me to be?

Because the world tells me that what He made is not good enough.

Let's put this in perspective. In the last 5 weeks I have ran 90 miles. And I have not lost a pound. When I use the BMI and body fat charts to see where I fall, they tell me I am overweight and obese, respectively. I would have to lose 40 pounds in order to have the body fat of a "fit" person. Seriously? Death would be the outcome of me losing 40 pounds. I would be skeletal, literal skin and bones. But if I subscribe to the formulas and equations that the world uses to measure my worth as a healthy being, I would have to strive for the unreachable.

What gets lost when focusing on the BMI and body fat charts is that I ran 90 miles in 5 weeks. My body is healthy and strong enough to run 90 miles. That is 18 miles a week....between a 1/2 marathon and a full marathon. Maybe this is one more race for me to run, outpacing my insecurities. Has He made me not good enough? He has given me a body that can move and run and play and work well. One of my favorite passages of scripture is Hebrews 12:1-2:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith."
Because in every aspect of faith and life we are faced with races that require perseverance and commitment. Whether it be completing a work project on time, getting out and literally running, making dinner when it feels overwhelming and pointless or finishing the laundry. Why should accepting ourselves be any easier? We are our own worst critics, the most heartless shame-filled wonky-eyed individuals. Kinda like we're all stuck in one of those Claritan clear commercials...you know, where they magically removed the filter that allergies give you and voila! We can all see clearly. Um...can I get one of those magic pills please? It'll make me accept myself, right?

I am imperfection personified. Imperfection that I am learning to love. Until then I will cling to His perfect image that He knows me to be, even when I can't see it myself.