I Have An Idea

So I've been thinking about what to do with this here blog. I don't want to have a blog that is centered on one thing like baking or books or just my ramblings. It wouldn't work for me. So I'm going to go back to writing about what I know. Some days that will be books. Oh I love books! Some days that will be trying to have a baby and all the crazy emotional crap that accompanies that. Some days that will be about baking. What I've tried, what I want to try, why I love it so much. Some days it will simply be about my day or my cats or my DH of a husband (Dark Horse, FYI).

Tonight I declare ramblings!

Have you guys seen the new Lego commercial? It's a hit as far as advertising goes. I was invested from second one and I didn't even notice the Lego's everywhere until the end shot. I'd love it just as much if it was a little boy instead of a little girl because it's about the feeling of creating something. Who cares whether you're male or female? Everyone has imagination.

Last weekend DH and I went out on a day date to one of our favorite watering holes. Then we walked down to a cigar bar. This picture makes me feel like a bad ass with a stogie and a scotch. What it doesn't tell you is that it's really hard to get the taste of cigar out of your mouth.

For the first time ever I made banana pudding from scratch. I didn't know that this stuff existed until 6 years ago since it's not a thing in the North. A fabulous friend bought me a Southern Living entertaining cookbook a few years ago for my birthday and I fell in love with the recipes immediately. But I have never used it until yesterday to actually make a recipe. Maybe I didn't feel southern enough. You know, I'm a Yankee. Don't tell anyone. We were having over my parents-in-law and when DH was asked either cobbler or banana pudding he chose the puddin'. What I loved about this recipe is that it used homemade vanilla pudding. One of my most cherished memories as a kid was helping mom make pudding. We usually had homemade and it was torture waiting for it to cook and then cool enough to not burn the crap out of our mouths. Once we were old enough we had the job of stirring the pudding while it cooked. It seemed to take an eternity to go from milk and sugar and cornstarch to blissful vanilla silky goodness. FYI, as an adult it still takes an eternity of around 15 minutes to go from "hmmm..." to "aw yiss". What I didn't know was that I was potentially inviting controversy and strife into our household. Yes, you read that right. The recipe called for a meringue top instead of whipped cream. Apparently this is a controversy in the south. Luckily for me my Texas family does not hold strong opinions on this and we all enjoyed dessert.

Henry has become very lovey and vocal as he's gotten older. Today he meowed for treats. This has never happened in 3 years. He sat on my lap yesterday and snuggled in for a nap. He's talking to us more. I'm convinced he's dying, y'all. DH had to tell me to calm down when Henry started all this because it was so unlike him. I forget life before him and thus I forget that he's only 3. I think he's stretching his personality and seeing what he likes. Do cats do that?

I think he's pretty much the most handsome man ever. Well, the most handsome cat man ever.

Happy Sunday Evening!

Happy Tuesday Everyone!!!

Just because it's Tuesday.

(https://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/3nlbr2/war_is_hell/?ref=share&ref_source=link)

Oh, and for the record....protein powder in oatmeal before you cook it is a bad idea. Breakfast is not a winner this morning.

Apparently I've Been Gone

I realized today that most of the blogs that I was following have either been on hiatus, like mine, or no longer exist. So....where does a girl go to find some inspiration? I have loved using list posts in the past, and even better if they are one where you can post your blog and get some feedback, new readers and internet love! But I am up a creek at the moment. Thus, you see before you my own listing blog post. Surely there is a more convenient name than "listing blog post"? Oh wait, Google just informed me that they're called "listicles". Cool.

                                  Things I'd Like To Change 

1. Evie's insistence that she will absolutely positively starve to death before 9pm. This is conveyed by yowls, meows, groveling and generally being pathetic. She weighs 13 pounds, you guys. She's not starving. And there is almost always food still left in their bowls by feeding time.

2. My left arm strength. Kickboxing shows you where you're strong...and where you're weak. My left arm is a joke. If I ever get into a fight with one hand tied behind my back, it'd better be my left hand that's tied. I've been going to 9Round for about 2 months now and I have a mean right hammer fist. My core is stronger than it's ever been and I'm starting to see some ab definition. My legs, while not my favorite part of my body, have always been a powerhouse and have seen me many many miles. But that dang left arm. I'd be better off in a slap fight than a fist fight.

(http://www.popsugar.com/entertainment/photo-gallery/34596251/image/34597139/He-also-best-physical-comedy-like-slap-fight-Jess) P.S. if this works then I'll be shocked.

3. My annoyance at drivers who don't use turn signals, use them but merge regardless of whether there is room, or simply are more absorbed in their phones than in the 3 ton (I really don't have a clue how much cars weigh) piece of metal they're haphazardly steering down the street. Even though my annoyance might be warranted it doesn't make it worth the rise in my blood pressure.

4. I'm a little bit extroverted. Just a wee, wee, infinitesimal bit. I wish I could hold that back a bit in the morning at work. I don't think everyone else is as much a morning person or an extrovert. But every morning I take my coffee and want to chat. Awn, just go sit down! Sheesh. If I were them I'd probably throw coffee on me. Sorry girls!

5. I really truly wouldn't read as fast as I do. I miss a lot of details and when I go back and reread the book again I am amazed at what I missed. The plus of this is that I love to go back and read books again. I've read series four or five times and will read them again. But I think I might miss out on some of that initial wonder that comes with reading a book for the first time.

6. I love sleep. I mean, I wouldn't change the fact that I enjoy sleep. But it would be nice to be more of a night owl and an early bird. Can you be both? 

This is the inauspicious start of a blogging comeback. Can I say that if it's my blog? Just call me the Comeback Kid (that's not trademarked, is it?)

A PSA on Infertility Etiquette

I've been thinking about writing something like this post for a long time. It's a subject that is near and dear to us, obviously. And it's a subject that lends itself to people feeling uninformed, awkward and unsure of how to talk to their friends who are in the midst of it. (Don't worry, we stumble ourselves when trying to form words for this.)This is a mini PSA for those of you who might not know the ins and outs of fertility treatments.

1. There are a variety of fertility treatments and options...IUI, IVF, donor sperm, donor eggs, surrogacy, embryo adoption or donation, adoption. They all involve a scary amount of statistics and failure rates. It's overwhelming and daunting. What makes it bearable is people who ask what is involved. It's ok to ask questions. Most of us welcome them if we've shared about our infertility with you. Which brings us to #2...

2. If someone hasn't told you that their having trouble then don't bring it up. We're clearly very open about this situation that we're in. But not everyone is. So even if you've been told that a friend is trying for a baby and it's not working, don't offer your condolences. This is an insanely private thing for a lot of couples. Right or wrong there is a lot of shame and guilt associated with not being able to have a baby. To have that blown wide open by someone who you didn't tell personally is a breach of trust for a lot of people. There are exceptions of course. But tread lightly.

3. If you've asked someone about their plans for children/if they have any/if they want children and they give you a standard "Someday" or "We'd love to" answer don't ask further questions. Most of us will handle that standard "When are you having kids someday" question with a smile on our face or at least a pleasant answer. But when the questions continue it can be devastatingly difficult to not break down.

     I bring this up because of the viral video right now regarding how people shouldn't ask women about children. I don't think that others should censor what they say when the situation is unknown to them. As an example if I meet a patient for the first time and they ask me if I have children (which they do because the vast majority are grandparents themselves) I don't get offended. They don't know that we've been trying for 2.5 years. There's no way they could know and it's not something I'll share with my patients. So if that offends me then I'm probably gonna have a bad time interacting with society instead of seeing it for what it is - someone trying to connect.

4. I really really REALLY don't want to hear about your cousin's surprise baby after they stopped trying. The fact of it is that most couples conceive without any intervention in one year. There is a 10% chance of pregnancy every month at my age, according to our Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). Those are some slim odds. So when you add in actual medical issues there's not a lot of room for pregnancy to happen on it's own. Relaxing won't work here, sticking pineapple cores unmentionable places won't help and neither will all the supplements in the world.

5. And on that note, we love our RE. We wish we never had to see him but since we do, we're thrilled that he's a straight shooter. He gives us stats for his clinic. Every doctor may have a different viewpoint and methods of treatment. Because our plan of care isn't the same as someone else's that you know doesn't mean diddly squat. Ours wouldn't work for them and theirs wouldn't work for us. It's just that simple.

6. Finally, again, if you have questions just ask us. We have a great support system and they are truly great because they don't offer platitudes to make themselves feel better or try to make us feel better. They allow us to be completely honest when we want to be and to curl around our feelings when we need that extra protection. They say that this sucks and we agree. There are so many different options for different circumstances. If our journey can help someone else know that there are options then that may be the silver lining to this whole thing.

I'd like to reiterate that we know this is an awkward subject. It can feel taboo to ask questions or wrong to not assure your friends that they will get pregnant. But while we desperately want that outcome we know that it may not happen for us. In the meantime we'll drink some scotch and hang on to hope. Do you want to wait with us?

Some days Feel Like This

I'm just going to leave this here. There is something so wonderfully heartbreaking about this piece. For me, it's a physical representation of the hurt that lingers when we're denied things that we want, and the struggle to overcome the grief that accompanies those denials.

Shower Thoughts

  You've probably heard of shower thoughts. You know, the brilliant insights into life, the what to make for dinner, the how I totally could have won that argument yesterday, the what to buy DH for his birthday thoughts that only occur when pen and paper are woefully inappropriate.
  I don't have shower thoughts. I have car thoughts. When I can't possibly write down what I'm thinking without causing some sort of horrific multi car pile-up. (In full disclosure, I actually wrote this post down long hand. Long. Hand.) I'm sort of the quintessential infant who sleeps in the car and wakes up screaming when the car stops. As soon as I park my well-crafted Pulitzer prize winning blog post, email or letter has disappeared. Not a scrap of eloquence is left behind for me to clasp pathetically against my chest as I race to my laptop.
  This, in part, is why I haven't blogged lately. It seems like life is so busy that I only have time for car thoughts. I have crafted dozens of posts only to find them turned into ephemera before I can get the words from brain to fingertips to a series of electrical 1s and 0s.
  My favorite part of car thoughts? Each post is easily wrapped up in a neat package-like ending. Conclusions are drawn, connections made and insights revealed. In reality I sit staring at the screen trying to see the common thread that will provide my tether to the final coherent thought. Days like today I just cannot find the thread. So I will end like this.
  I hope to be back here sooner rather than later. Coherent or otherwise.

It's a Win?

One of the things that I now get is the lack of control you feel when trying to start a family. For some people I'm sure that there are positive changes that can improve their chances of conceiving or carrying a baby. In our case that's not the issue, therefore cue my lack of control panic button.

The only thing that I can control was what I was putting into my body from a food perspective and how active I was being. I looked at a bunch of different challenges and weighed my options - ha! no pun intended - and landed on the Advocare 24 Day Challenge. Now, I have used Advocare in the past and I like their products. Do I think I need their products in order to lose or maintain weight loss? Nope. But I liked the structure of the challenge, the fact that the food is laid out regarding what types to eat, and there's no hand slapping if you screw it up.

I'm on Day 18 and I feel good. My clothes are fitting better, I have more energy and I'm sleeping better. Yay for cutting out processed foods and eating clean. I haven't felt once like I didn't have options for meals or snacks and while it's increased our grocery bill a little it's not been drastic. I haven't gone full organic because I do have student loans to pay off.

Now if you know me you know that I have never met a donut I didn't like. Donuts are my kryptonite. I have passed up donuts twice in the last 5 days. I smelled them but I didn't eat one. Progress! Today I was feeling good about this challenge. I ran into the grocery store for windshield wiper fluid - who carries summer formula in the winter?!?! - and saw them.

The elusive Dove coconut creme eggs.

They only come out once a year and I am capable of eating an entire bag within a day or two. I grabbed a bag and was so excited about having one after my work out! I hadn't eaten any preservatives, additives, processed nothing in over 2 weeks and I knew how I was breaking that streak today.

Imagine my despair and disappointment when I took that first small bite - you know, to make it last - and it tasted like crap. Cloying artificial sweet crap. Y'all, I didn't even take a second bite but tossed the whole thing in the trash. My raspberries and almond coconut nut butter were way better (Maranatha makes that amazing deliciousness, by the way, and Kroger carries it if you have those around you).

This was a win, I know it was. But it sure felt a little like a loss when I threw away that little dollop of coconutty creme.

Oh yeah, does anyone want a slightly used bag of coconut creme eggs? In exchange I'd accept good paleo recipes for coconut treats.