I'll Lean on You and You Lean on Me and We'll Be OK

Friendship is a funny thing. It's the connection that makes us go above and beyond what is needed, expected and certainly not asked for. Some friendships are ones that will see you through your lifetime and others are fleeting. Friendships can start out on solid ground, be a 24-7 preoccupation, your sister from another mother and then suddenly fall apart. On the flip side, they can be the most out of the blue, shaky starting, and suddenly morph into the rock you stand on.

They require time, commitment and trust. They require laughter, tears, vulnerability and the ability to crack yourself wide open in front of another person. Some require phone calls, others need shared coffee and still others only need a porch swing.

I am not the best of friends. I often forget to call people back. I never send birthday cards, even though I buy them and even address them. I try to see too many friends when I visit Yankeeland and end up feeling like I'm shortchanging everyone. I am needy when it comes to knowing whether my clothes are cool enough and whether my hair looks ok. I don't see other friends hardly ever and even though it's not by choice, I still feel guilty.

Despite my faults, I take my friendships seriously. I take people at their word. I wish to be treated the same way. It's a weird feeling - encompassing shame, frustration, irritation, sadness and inadequacy - when a friend starts to move on, to be much more friendly, open and vulnerable, with someone else. It's hard to not feel left behind, like the friendship was more meaningful to me than to them. Like I just wasn't cool enough or worth the second thought.

Friendship is indeed a funny thing.