Friendship Ain't Easy

I think I vaguely remember promising some pictures from our Scottish honeymoon. Today is not that post, though. Sorry friends!

Speaking of friends...that's what's on my heart today. Or maybe it's more loneliness. Maybe I can't really separate those two things. I've thought about this post for the past couple days, and it always flows better when I'm thinking about it in the shower. Since the laptop and water don't mix, this version is sure to be clumsier than I'd like. And for the record, my DH is exempt from the below post. He is truly my best friend. There's just something different about female friendships. And that's what this is about.

When I moved to the Deep South four years ago, I did it on my own. I didn't know a soul here. And I was blessed to have a job that surrounded me in women my age. It was such a blessing - like having built in new friends and a new job! The girls that I worked with were warm and welcoming. I was included in holidays and new babies and running and get-togethers. I also found friends through bible study and spent the better part of 2 years doing life with a group of women that were in every part of life from singledom to divorced and everything in between.

And those friendships stood good stead through a couple years. Some grew closer and some grew apart. Some flat out failed. Priorities in life change. Circumstances intervene. And before I knew it, I was squarely on the outside of most of the friendships that had been cultivated. I'm not placing blame here, I don't really even know what happened, to be brutally honest. Things changed in many of those friend's lives, including my own. Not all friendships withstand the test of time, nor are they always meant to.

In the last year I've worked on friendships with my beautiful sister-in-law who is close here in the Deep South, as well as with some of DH's friends. And those women are funny, strong, real and inviting. But it doesn't change the fact that I'm the outsider, still, that doesn't quite know where she fits in the circle that is already there. Maybe this is just something that takes time to happen...

Why is it so much harder to make friends when we're adults? I have a handful of close to the heart friends, the majority of which I have known 5+ years. And the majority of those friends are geographically far from me at the moment. My heart aches for those friends. From the need to spend time with those who know me inside and out. From the need to just wallow in the familiarity that comes from being utterly myself with someone else. From the need to be with those who get me in all my awkward quirky mean self-conscious sweetness. From the need to be with people that feel like home no matter where we are.

I believe that I can reach that place with those fledgling friendships. I'm just not sure how to do it.