New Year's Resolutions

I don't really like New Year's resolutions. It feels kind of perfunctory to have to decide to make changes just because it's the beginning of a year. But I'm going to make some this year. In short order:

1. I am going to blog once a week and I am not going to link to Facebook initially. I feel really stuck with where to go with this blog. And for that matter, why do I have to go anywhere with it? I can just write whatever I want and send it into the void and forget about it.

So much of this blog in the last few years has centered on our infertility. Just because we have ended treatment doesn't mean that the grief over not having our children has ended. But I also don't want to focus on what cannot be changed. I'm sure it will be a focal point no matter how I decide to direct this blog but I do not want to have the central theme be what we are lacking.

2. I am finally going to organize all my baking supplies in a way that works for me. I have so many cookie cutters that I don't know what I actually have. Sprinkles are practically coming out my ears. I have baking contraptions that I have never used and may never use. Right now most supplies are in gallon storage bags and rubbermaid containers.

This won't be easy as I have an extremely hard time visualizing what space I have and what can realistically fit in that space.

3.  I turn 40 this year. I don't feel 40 and I'm not having any difficulty, at least right now, with turning 40. But I do want to go into my 40th year on this planet as strong physically and in spirit as possible. That means I have to start figuring out some shit, primarily regarding our failed attempts to have a family. I have a lot of underlying anger still and I don't want to hold on to it. I don't want to be stuck, but I don't know what is normal in these circumstances. And I don't know if normal will apply to me either. Maybe your normal isn't what is good for me and vice versa.

To that end, I signed up for a transformation challenge at OTF. I am pretty consistent in getting there 4 times a week. But my diet could use some tweaking. The challenge starts at the end of January and goes until St Patrick's Day. My birthday is just a week and a half after that, so I think that will be good for me. I don't anticipate winning any money....I mean, let's be realistic. I don't lose weight that fast so instead I'm using this as a way to make me more accountable to myself and whichever coach I'm assigned to clean up how I eat. E and I want to be as independent and in as good health as we can be for as long as possible. That means we can't wait until we're in our 70's to decide that we need to start working out.

Here's to 2019!