Belonging

I don't really know where I belong right now.

That's hard just to type, honestly. I have been aware for a while that I am still angry about our infertility. That's ok. There's no prescribed end to anger, or grief for that matter. I have a lot of underlying anger, it's low, it's simmering and it's affecting my ability to pray and learn and have truth poured in to me and for me to share with others and support them.

I shared this with my friends in our life group just this weekend and then I started Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown. In the very first chapter it felt like she was reaching out and placing a finger on my heart. The chapter deals with our need to belong. And that seems to be, at least the starting place, of what I am longing for. It also touches on why we belong to nowhere and everywhere at the same time when we can be brave enough to be who we are.

I know that we all want to belong, and just because we reach certain places in life or certain statuses that belonging is not a given. But two and a half years after treatment ended I still feel that I'm floundering with where I belong, both within my friend groups and in life in general.

There is no simple answer to any of this. I get it, I know it. I sure wish there was.