When we were actively trying and doing IUIs and going through embryo donation I would listen to my favorite artist, Brandi Carlile, over and over. I pretty much listen to something she sings just about every day.
Her last album has a song called Wilder (We're Chained). She and her partner have a daughter and she has endo herself; her partner carried their daughter. I've never read an article or interview where she talks about their daughter's conception but my guess is it was IVF or donated embryos. (So I found out today, 1/16/18 that in fact they used one of her eggs and a sperm donor. I felt that this was relevant and should be corrected.)
The way I interpret the song is talking to a child about not looking like either of the grandparents but that they're chained together regardless. It's a beautiful song. This song was my heart as we were going through embryo donation. It was the song I hoped to have playing during delivery.
I've mentioned in the past that if our end game of having children didn't work out that I was going to become a Brandi roadie. Or at the very least see her in concert. They did a tour last year called Pindrop and it was an all acoustic tour in small venues built for that sound. I was so disappointed that we couldn't get tickets in Dallas. I mean we could have but we were saving for embryo donation at the time and the ticket prices were ridiculous through the different ticket organizations.
She announced a new tour last week that is in celebration of the 10 year anniversary of her album "The Story". It's acoustic and small venues. It's exactly the tour I'd want to see her live for the first time. We scored tickets and I'm so excited!
It feels like a closure of sorts. We started trying to have a baby almost 4 years ago. The concert is our anniversary weekend. When I'd have a negative or disappointing visit at the RE's office (which was always, through no fault of our amazing doctor's), when our hearts broke into one more shard, when the stress became overwhelming it was Brandi I would listen to at loud enough to shatter my eardrum volumes while I sobbed my way through the following hours. In honor of all the struggle and heartache, as a balm to my spirit, and a small blessing for one thing that we planned on panning out, there will be a day in the next months when I get to hear her sing it all in person.
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