Raising Our Expectations

Danielle at Butler Party of 2 blogged about a topic near and dear to my heart that you can find HERE. So this idea is by no means original, but she put it so well and I want to add my own spin to it.

How many of you have friends that are women? Would you consider these women as someone to uphold you and encourage you? Do your friends edify you when you’re not there? Do your friends love you well, hold you accountable but not judge you?

I hope that you answered yes, yes, yes and yes! You are indeed a lucky woman if that is the case.

All too often though it seems that we are quick to tear each other down, to expect failure from one another, to not encourage and to not love well but out of the selfish need to feel better about ourselves.

Let me say right now that this post will likely not be my most popular. I’m ok with that. It’s not meant to be a veiled attack or jab at anyone. But some may read it that way. I have to be ok with that.

An example that comes to mind (and I can credit Danielle with this because I had not thought of it this way before reading her brilliant post) is the friend who tells you that once you have kids you won’t have that same body. There won’t be time for working out and you’ll let yourself go. Danielle’s point here was that instead of encouraging one another to do what keeps each other happy/centered/stressfree the friend expects you to fail. Fail at being healthy. Fail at keeping your goals. Why? Maybe they’ve failed and it’s better to have company. Maybe no one has encouraged them to excell.

But why not encourage each other instead? Why not give kudos for surpassing the conventional worldly expectations of each other? Why not kick social expectation to the curb and cheer one another on? It’s hard to encourage and yet so easy to do as well. For some maybe it’s the emotional component of giving that encouragement. Maybe encouragement isn’t being given to that person. Social experiment: Give encouragement to someone who doesn’t easily give it out. Listen to the person that complains loudly. Maybe they don’t know that anyone is listening to them and are just trying to be heard.

I have indeed been guilty of being on both sides of this. Our relationships as women are complicated and often times are fraught with drama, baggage from…well, every experience of our lives….and the period of life we’re in currently. They also include love, laughter, tears of joy and pain, and the occasional glass of wine. We should absolutely be free to discuss where we are, the difficulties, the successes, the rewards and the fears. However we should be careful to not put our own expectations on the other person as a given. Who knows what we could accomplish if given the chance?

Edify one another in public. Encourage one another in whatever way works. Uphold one another in prayer and in conversation. Love one another well.

Stop expecting one another to fail, to be mediocre, to do enough to just get by.

Shell, thank you from the bottom of my poured out heart.