Ever wish you could just turn your brain off? Stop everything chasing each other around in there? Thought after thought after thought. Throw in a dash of worry and fear, happiness and joy, anticipation and anxiety.
I'm taking a class right now that is a faith based class on finances. I have to say, even though I'm doing a lot of good work and moving in the right direction, it's a fifty-fifty chance that I'll leave class feeling beat down. I think it's partly that I have so far to go regarding student loans (audiology, like drugs, doesn't pay). The other part? It's that little devil man sitting on my shoulder poking and prodding my worry and fanning the flames of my money anxiety.
Tonight I stopped at boyfriend's after class to grab a snack and some time with him. I was just mopey and it started coming out in all these other ways that had absolutely nothing to do with what was bugging me. Gosh, don't you hate the girl who does that? One thing is bothering her and suddenly it morphs into all these other things that aren't actually bothering her and have nothing to do with anything. Sadly, I was that girl tonight. Luckily boyfriend is pretty woman savvy and he knows, already, how to diffuse me when I start to get wound up. I don't know if he even knows he's doing it, actually.
After I got home I was just really relaxed and not at all anxious. As I sat here thinking about it, I realized today was one more way that God showed me just how powerful He is. See, on Sunday during Life Group, we were instructed to pray for the person to our left this week. My fabulous prayer warrior of a friend, B, was to my right, i.e., she was to pray for me. B knows that my debt, whether it would be big or small in anyone else's eyes, weighs on me. Just this morning she sent me an email to let me know she was praying for my finances and included a couple verses. Satan hates when we pray for each other. Hates it! And he sticks his bony little toes and fingers all around until he finds that little niche that allows him to grab hold. The result? I was anxious and down and didn't feel like I was moving in the right direction money-wise. Which is all really poppycock, since I AM moving in the right direction. The erasing of my anxiety? My beautiful prayer warrior and my beautiful Lord. When we entreat Him, He answers in perfect timing. The more I trust the more He blesses me. In this case that blessing was the removal of my case of the blahs.
It's such a good feeling to turn off my brain and just trust.
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OMG I go through the same thing! Turning off my brain takes A LOT these days! I swear I cannot sit somewhere without having thoughts just really rushing through my head - worries, things I have to do, things I forgot, etc. It's tiring and really makes life more worrisome than it needs to be. I have to work more to be close to where you have reached and just trust...a very hard thing to do indeed!
ReplyDeleteWell said! It must be infectious, because I, too, have just learned to turn off my brain and trust, and wow! How wonderful. :) We'll catch up soon!
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