For Ethan

Dear Ethan,
  You, kid, were amazing. You knew that, right? Or did you? Did you realize that you were amazing? That you were more wise than adults? That you touched thousands upon thousands of lives? From the first time I met you, I knew you were special. No, it wasn't just your knowledge of Star Wars. It wasn't even your vast understanding of Legos, although I enjoyed the schooling you provided. It was your sweet nature, your compassion for everyone around you, your sense of humor and your enduring faith even when you were hurting. Your mom and I spent many moments in tears together in the time we spent together. Over the big and the little. Over what could have been and what was to come. The possibilities and the opportunities before you, both the potential awesome and the terrifying. I spent hours in prayer over these same possibilities, in tears as I talked to God about you.  I was in awe of you, the way you faced each single possibility. You faced them with grace and humbleness and a certainty that no matter the outcome you were going to win.  You faced them with a courage that only comes from knowing that your time here was, in all probability, limited. And when miracles occurred (we both know they were miracles), you didn't take them for granted. Remissions occurred and relapses followed. Through it all you never lost faith. You were a champion for God. I'm gonna paraphrase something you said - that you didn't want anyone to be mad at God or stop believing in Him because your time here was ending. Thank you for showing me what wisdom is possible at 13 years old because you trusted and loved the Lord. I'm far older (stop giggling about my age) and I'm just striving to reach that. You have impacted me in ways that you never knew and my life is infinitely better for having known you. My grief is small compared to those who knew you so much better and spent infinitely more time with you. My solace is that while I grieve because the world is a dimmer place without you in it, I rejoice because you are with Jesus. You won, kid. You won.

Love Awn

PS. Listen up Stage IV Unfavorable Neuroblastoma, you did not win, you bastard. You did not win.