Das Auto

An appropriate title because I often feel that I am driving on the Autobahn here in the Deep South. I wonder if people are aware of how horrendously they are driving. I'm no saint when it comes to this, as I am most comfortable when I'm traveling 5-10 miles an hour above the speed limit. Yep, I speed.

But I also willingly admit it when the long arm of the law reaches out and jerks me back. What am I going to do, tell the officer he's wrong? I've only ever had two tickets, one for speeding and one for off-roading in my Honda. Different story for a different day. Anyway, I think the cop was genuinely taken aback when I admitted I was speeding and I apologized. I didn't expect to get out of the ticket and he didn't let me go. I did get a different ticket than one that would have negatively impacted my insurance rates and standing in Yankeeland.

But here? Just getting to and from work with all of my facilities intact is something of a miracle. I often pray for safety while on the road. A month or so ago I heard this snippet of a study while, ironically, driving to work: 3 out of 5 Texans WOULD NOT PASS the driving test. IN full disclosure, something like 1 in 5 Americans would not pass.

Does this sound like an awfully high failure rate? Consider this: the same day I heard this study an 18-wheeler attempted to occupy space in my exit only lane, the same space I was currently occupying. Another top-ten on the list is when traffic is traveling well and above the speed limit and the driver behind me is trying to inventory the contents of my trunk.

If you have an emergency and need to get beyond traffic, to say the hospital, please use your four-ways (or hazards as they're called here in the Deep South) and brights and I will gladly move out of your way. Otherwise, plan better, leave earlier and back the front-door off my bumper! It's not my problem if you cannot multitask in the morning.

But I've saved my absolute favorites for last.

If I am in the "Exit Only" lane it's because I. Am. Exiting. Nothing gets me more irritated in the morning than people who use the Exit Only lane to pass the other two bumper-to-bumper lanes of traffic. Because then? I have to sit behind you and wait for someone to let your dumb butt into traffic before I can exit and go to work. I assume that one out of every 5 people don't realize they're in the wrong lane; the other four I want to beat about the head. Not enough to cause permanent harm, just enough to make them think twice before trying to get ahead of everyone else and in the process inconvenience those of us who follow the rules. This irritation has only cropped up in the last couple years because "Exit Only" lanes are as rare in Yankeeland and as a two-way street is in Pittsburgh.

My #1 pet peeve while driving is when other drivers don't use their turn signals. Turn signals are like seat belts. They come in every car and they cannot be legally removed (at least I hope not). This in turn means you are required to use them. By law you are required. If you are merging or trying to get into my lane and you do so without a turn signal prepare to be disappointed. You can gesticulate, yells, flip me off and ride inside my trunk: it makes no difference to me. With the simple flick of a finger you could have been one car length in front of where you are now. All the energy that went into your frustration and anger could have been put to better use. Your blood pressure could be significantly lower. Suddenly questioning that McDonald's you had for lunch? Chest feeling a little tight? Oh, and most importantly, your car will have a statistically lower amount of body damage.

What are your pet peeves when it comes to driving or traffic?